Let’s face it: in the event of a zombie apocalypse, your glasses are going to have a better survival rate than you. While you’re tripping over debris, dodging undead groans, and losing your lunch (figuratively or literally), your sturdy spectacles will probably just fall to the ground… and quietly wait for someone new to wear them.
Here are 7 hysterically relatable reasons why your glasses would live to see another century—possibly perched on a zombie’s nose.
Introduction – Why Your Glasses Are the True Survivors
You may have trained for this. Stocked up on canned beans. Watched every episode of The Walking Dead. But did you ever stop to think: what happens to your glasses when the world goes full apocalypse?
Spoiler alert: they don’t just survive. They thrive.
1. They’re Practically Indestructible (Unlike You)
You’ve dropped them off counters, stepped on them during a panic, and sat on them more times than you’ll admit—and they still live.
Now imagine the zombie apocalypse: buildings fall, chaos erupts, and there they are—your glasses, unscratched.
Meanwhile, you? Let’s just say your durability doesn’t quite match.
2. They Don’t Need Sleep, Food, or Shelter
No water? No problem. No safe house? Still good. Your glasses operate on zero calories and 100% existential resilience.
They don’t shiver in the cold or cry in abandoned malls. They just sit… and wait… and watch.
3. Zombies Don’t Care About Eyewear
Good news: zombies don’t eat glasses. That means your spectacles are completely ignored during every attack.
Bad news? They’re probably lying inches from your body while the undead horde munches on your brain.
4. They Can Outrun You (After Falling Off Your Face)
Admit it—your glasses have slipped off at the worst possible moment. During a jog. A sneeze. A dramatic gasp.
Now imagine mid-zombie-sprint. You trip. Your glasses go flying. You scream, “Wait—my GLASSES!”
They’re already five feet away. Gone. On their own journey now.
5. They’re Always Found After the Attack
Ever noticed in post-apocalyptic movies, someone always finds the glasses? It’s like the universal symbol of “they didn’t make it.”
Your frames, somehow intact, are lying delicately on a pile of ash. Poetic. Tragic. Clean.
They’ll be picked up, wiped once, and used by the next brave (or myopic) soul.
6. They Become Legendary Artifacts in Post-Apocalyptic Lore
Years later, a scavenger finds your frames.
“These belonged to the One Who Saw Too Much.”
Passed down like a sword, your glasses become relics—symbols of knowledge, vision, and tragic clumsiness.
Someone might even wear them without lenses. Just for the aesthetic.
7. They’ll Still Be Sitting There, Judging Everyone
Somehow, even inanimate, your glasses look disappointed. They don’t speak, but they say:
“Really? You couldn’t even outrun a one-legged zombie?”
Their stoic frame. Their silent glare. Survivors feel unworthy just looking at them.
Bonus: What Your Glasses Might Say If They Could Talk
- “I told you not to go down that alley.”
- “So much for 20/20 hindsight.”
- “Guess who didn’t clean me before the apocalypse? Typical.”
- “I was literally the last thing keeping you in focus.”
Survival Tips for Bespectacled Apocalypse Preppers
So how do you keep up with your overachieving eyewear in a crisis?
- Carry a backup pair (Yes, even the old clunky ones)
- Invest in a durable glasses case
- Consider LASIK—but only if you do it pre-apocalypse
- Avoid contact lenses if water is scarce or hygiene is questionable
Conclusion: Glasses May Not Save You, But They’ll Remember You
You might not last long in a zombie apocalypse—but your glasses? They’re eternal. They’ll rest atop ruins, sit solemnly beside skulls, and maybe—just maybe—find a new pair of eyes to help see another day.
Until then, they’ll just keep waiting. Judging.
